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i am trying to learn to live without fear.

no, that's not right. fear is a thing that just happens, a feeling that oozes down the back of my neck and wets my shirt. fear is a dark movement in my peripheral vision.

but i am trying to learn to shorten the time between fear and correct action. i am trying to learn to recognize fear instantly, acknowledge it as a message from my senses that i cannot control, be grateful for that feeling, and turning it into a slowing of time that gives me the space to breathe, check my mirrors, observe my lack of exit routes, and trust that i paid extra for ABS for a reason.

i haven't died, yet. there are countless universes that include the subtle changes in decisions, a dry leaf placed in a different place, a glove torn in a way to catch on the handgrip, a blink too soon. i am not in any of those universes with this conscious body.

i am a conscious body, moving through the world. i am here. i am still here.

27 April 2018 21:20