Equinox Waxing

The longer the days grow, the harder it is to talk about doing things when instead I am just doing things.

I am waging a constant battle between healing my fingerskin and shredding it again, and slowly, with each pass of the rope over my palms, more blood and sweat builds into the fibers and it becomes mine. I am playing an endless game of chicken to see if I can pedal harder than my nerves can handle, because I know my nerves will fail before my brakes. Every time my shoes lose their traction in the mud, I experience an infinite span of time in the moment it takes for my ankles to respond and recover my balance. Each sunset that rolls away from me, I breathe in the sky and know I am alive.

The mornings when I don't wake up sore from head to toe, I know I slacked off the day before. I can't stand to sleep or wait or rest because there never seems to be enough time in the day to pummel my way through everything I want to do. I don't feel like there's anything I need to do, and that's a luxury I know I should never take for granted.

I can't wait for the next day, but I'm never in a rush to get there.

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06 April 2014 18:25

Last Call for Winter

There's ice on the inside of the kitchen window again but that doesn't stop the dog from burying her excessively long snout into the back of my legs to direct me towards the door the moment I am out of bed. I'm sure she's already forgotten how cold the ground outside is, since it's been hours since her morning pee. And yet, once her leash is clipped into place and she reaches the concrete, she pulls her feet away as if bitten, and no dance she performs can keep all four feet off the ground at once.

We walk miles, and soon, she forgets the pain. I envy her; we tried to climb a slab of cold New England granite on the first day of the year, and once my hands froze to the wall, I had to abort.

I've had to make two trips to the grocery store because despite a bag of lemons being the reason I went in the first place, I managed to forget to pick one up. Instead, my first run included bananas, apples, cheese, butter, oatmeal, and peanut butter, while my second run was solely for fourteen small lemons. It will take us perhaps two weeks to finish them.

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13 March 2014 20:37

Every Day a Snow Day

I wish everyone moved as carefully and thoughtfully as they do on the first day of fresh snowfall. I wish every approached intersections with caution and attentiveness, made eye contact with others, negotiated paths of travel in a reasonable manner, understood that the world is dangerous but is navigable with some vigilance.

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The rope is stiff and dries my hand as it slides over callouses not quite ready; even though I know I'm safe, the sound and tiny jolts that come from the knot settling into itself beat a moment of fear through me. Resting while dangling is not a rest when I can't relax my hands.

"Put your hands in your chalk bag," he orders me from the other end of the rope.

"No, it's terrifying."

"That's why I'm telling you to do it."

My hands reach behind me, almost without my permission, and tentatively search for the fleece pocket dangling from the base of my spine like a broken tail. The movement tips my balance, and I start spinning, gently. I close my eyes, so the slow oscillation as my face passes from light to shadow is my only cue for movement.

"Now get back on the rock."

I get back on the rock.

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02 March 2014 17:29