meta-meta and routine living

I'm flopping between desiring the accountability that comes from blasting content into the unspecified void, and fearing the stage of my life when I did that as a pure expression of adolescent ego. I've gotten past the point of self-importance that let me think everyone and their mother wanted and needed to read my drabbles, but I still wish I had that importance.

The winter this year has been colder than most that I can remember, and I'm grateful to be in a house with functional heat. The thermostat maintains a comfortable 57F in the center of the house, but the old radiator system means that my room hovers somewhere in the upper 40s. Swaddled in blankets, I can bear it to work at my desk for a little while at a time, but eventually I have to move back to the dining room table to warm up. My shins press against the radiator grid and I wrap my blanket around my chair so the heat builds inside.

Sometimes, I want to delete everything I've written as soon as I've performed the act of purging the words from my mental palate, and sometimes I don't believe I have the right to make that decision. The present I should not be permitted to perform acts that a future I would find distressing, and there have been countless times when I have been glad to have the opportunity to scan over archives of the past I.

I'm settling into a routine of waking, breakfasting, biking, working, exercising, eating, cleaning, and sleeping that is not displeasing, but I wonder how long it will take before I get restless. I can keep maintaining my productivity indefinitely, especially as I continue to improve my ability to compartmentalize and assign blocks of time to certain tasks. A problem I have always had is my inability to switch gears smoothly, and perhaps that is the one thing I can correct at the moment, and then I will see how things are.

21 January 2014 21:25

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